“Its about being a doctor, being a nurse, an oncologist…..that would be a matter of pride….but in one’s own personal life, caregiving is pretty much a very thankless job”
Roop’s grandmother was delusional due to paranoid schizophrenia. She was always scared people were trying poison her, as a result she would have constant feuds with hired help. Unable to keep a professional, Roop’s mother took on the caregiving role, but she too was accused by her own mother. . Physicians refused to treat his grandmother or advise the family properly, instead they blamed her age and decided not to do anything. Roop realized the emotional toll it took on her was unrecognized and he was angry not just at the situation but also the people around who were laughing about it
Roop’s mother’s siblings lived away from Kolkata and expected her to take on the role as she was the only child living in the same city. Roop thinks they may have been grateful but never showed compassion to her as they believed it was her responsibility. Having grown up in the 80’s he witnessed a change in community living where people were getting competitive and fragmented.
“To come in and talk about caregiving…caregiver’s trauma…or need for self-care etc is largely a reaction to a culture which takes caregiving for granted”
He feels that caregiving was always taken for granted as the woman’s role. But now with feminism and women empowerment in the workplace, caregiving is not what they want to be associated with so at times it is being outsourced to hired help. One’s identity is associated with one’s work but never with caregiving.
If you can identify with this story, please share it with others who care for someone and help them share too. The feeling of understanding, not being alone and access to support is what keeps caregivers going.
Sharing your story helps understand yourself — feelings, passions, hopes. It lightens the load and offers relief from loneliness, anxiety, anger or guilt. Our experiences and hopes can benefit others – to know that the challenges are the same, learn new ways to cope and care… they aren’t alone but part of a team.
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